sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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