I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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