The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
