I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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