So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
