sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
