my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
