Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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