tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
