He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
