Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
