is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
