dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
