i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I love you. Go after that dick
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
