can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
