There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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