can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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