She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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