He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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