when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
