I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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