Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
