she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
