There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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