I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
