I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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