another moral hangover. fuck.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
