So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What a dumb baby whore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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