I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
