Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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