I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
