Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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