flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
