Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
