Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
