Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
