i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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