Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
