I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
