think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
