who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
