I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
