Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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