I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Blood and glitter go together right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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