i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
