I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
