A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
