so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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