Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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