You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were trust falling into bushes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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