There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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