Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
