My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
