Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
