We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend