return my video game
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
