I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
