in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
