I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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