I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
