there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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