A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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