i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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