So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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