some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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