My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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