you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
