good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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