Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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