Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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