the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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