Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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